Kind Pointers to Info Streams

Often times, folks will have what they will call a spiritual experience: a huge heart opening, a vision, an experience of Jesus or an angel speaking to them. Then, instead of that causing a fundamental change in their life, instead of them working with it like we do in the Deity Practice, it just seems to be another story they tell. There’s a piety that comes out when people talk about their collected spiritual experiences, when they reminisce about their teacher, or when they tell stories about some other teacher. There’s always a good in these things: the good is that you had an experience. That’s righteous. The not-so-good part is that we can actually end up collecting these experiences, kind of like books. Then we have shelves of collected spiritual experiences inside of ourselves, and you know what happens to books when they sit on shelves year in and year out: they get dusty.

It begins with taking one book or experience down, showing it to a friend, and then putting it back up on the shelf. But then you get a whole bunch of experiences, and it can become more of a thing where you kind of motion towards or allude to the book shelfthe spiritual experience shelfin your conversation, and that’s about it.
The piety is a very interesting thing. This shouldn’t just be something that was really far out that happened to me with my teacher. It’s not just an incident of my life. Rather, I want to take it and reform the way in which I act, so that the experience really is resonating in my life.

The collection of spiritual experiences is actually a form of spiritual materialism. It’s like taking a spiritual survey course. I’m sure you took survey courses in college where, during the semester or the quarter, you ran through everything that was ever written about physics.

Just think about that, about everything that was ever written about physics. There’s been so much written that you had to go through it so quickly, and all you did was memorize names, dates, and maybe a couple of key words. That’s kind of what happens as we collect spiritual experiences, too; we develop a survey course of spirituality. In survey courses, as you know, you may have the ability to memorize the names, dates, and the key words, so that you can regurgitate them properly on the final exam. But just days after that final exam, you’re out of it. You don’t remember any of it.

Yogi Sean is the student of Swami Ramananda and the author of Dancing in the Fire of Transformation, The Everyday Sanyasin, and Experiments in Awareness, a workbook for yogis.

Do You Seem to Get Caught Up in the Same Old Reactions?

Have you ever blown up at your spouse only to realizeafter the smoke clearedthat you might have over-reacted just a tad? Maybe you learn that you haven’t been invited to your uncle’s friend’s sister’s birthday party and you behave as if it’s the slight of the century.

Sometimes even the most minor snafu can send us storming out of the room, slamming down a phone, or just shutting down entirely. It’s like we just can’t help itthe reaction is as automatic as a mallet to the knee.

Science Reveals It May Not Be Your Fault

New research indicates that these habitual, knee-jerk responses go way back to our childhood. As youngsters, we learned to adapt to our families’ idiosyncrasies as a way of survival. Psychologists used to refer to these coping mechanisms as our baggagebut what science has now shown us is that these responses are actually hard-wired into our brains. And because our responses are so ingrained, they have become our filtering system for future incidents. In other words, if something happens today that the brain reads as being similar to something that happened in the past, it will respond as if it were the first time, even though you may be in your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and beyond.

Bringing This to Life

For example, let’s say a child comes from a home where the parents fight frequently. That child is going to associate yelling with bad feelings. In later years, if his spouse raises her voice, he’s likely to shut down like when he was a kidmetaphorically running to his room, closing the door, and essentially blocking out the noise.

Does this mean if you come from a family of yellers you’re doomed to hide under your bed every time someone raises a voice? Luckily, recent research indicates that the brain continues to grow throughout our livesand old patterns can be released as new ones are formed in your boomer years..

Help Is On the Way

The way to managing your anger and knee jerk reactions is to establish new connections by refocusing your attention to a different outcome or possibility. But, before you can foster these new connections in your brain, you have to be aware of the old brain triggers.

When I try and distinguish whether someone’s reaction is a past association, I look to see if their reaction to the situation is automatic and intense. Additionally, when I try and offer an alternative to why they’re behaving that way, the person is resistant and reluctant to consider any other view or interpretation of the situationother than their own.

In my practice, I work extensively with clients to help them rewire and rewrite their lives. Here is an easy exercise to get you started on rewiring your brain to control your anger and over-reactions that will bring about positive changes in your life-today!

1. Thinking of Alternatives:

a. When you’re projecting your past experience onto a present one, try and imagine alternative ways to handle the situation. For example, let’s say you have lunch plans with a friendwho cancels at the last minute. Immediately, you feel an overwhelming sense of hurt and rejection. Which is how you always feel in similar situationsindicatingvoilaa past pattern! Be conscious of this and take a step back to recognize it.

b. Then, approach the situation from an entirely different perspective. Maybe you use humor to deflect the bad feelings, thinking to yourself, “Gee, I guess it’s my deodorant.” Or, you choose the direct approach and ask your friend if you’ve done something to upset her. Or, you take the practical route and figure your friend just overbooked, overextended, or over-promisedand give her a get-out-of-jail-free card. (Hint: If you have difficulty coming up with alternative ways to handle the situation, think about how someone else - your mother, a childhood friend, an admired acquaintance - might handle the same situation.)

2. Plugging in New Choices:

a. Now, replay the actual situation as vividly as possiblethe phone ringing, the sound of your friend’s voice, the awkward goodbyesand imagine yourself carrying out one of your new solutions. Maybe you decide that being understanding of your friend’s busy schedule is the best choice.

b. Replay the phone call and plug in your new behavior, the understanding you, rather than playing out your old behavior of feeling rejected and hurt.

Making it Last

Before long, you will begin to see a slight shift in how you feel. By doing this exercise again and again, you will refocus your attention on a new outcome. This will rewire your brain and make a new neural connectiona connection to positive change!

Finally, a psychologist who goes that extra mile and cares about the people she helps. Whether Karen Sherman, Ph.D. is giving a speech, offering a teleseminar, or offering a workshop - she’s helping people become aware of their choices and connect to their full potential. Let Karen help you learn to make positive life choices both personally and in your relationships by signing up for her free newsletter at www.drkarensherman.com/newsletter.htm